thousand times introduction

hey, my name is anja
im twenty years old and never went to pub.
im an alcoholic and massive smoker
i rarely come home late,but if  i do, its extremely late or sometimes i dont go home. i spent lots of time for internet. you know,twitter,youtube,blog tumblr etc etc. but im open to outside world and say my knowledge is pretty wide. im not easy to make friends, kinda picky in this matter. maybe my biggest weakness too. people can portray me as a good good girl but also can be opposite. im a good girl for not go to pub and go out much and when people at my age out there partying on new year eve i stayed home watching dvds with my sister. people can call me bad for smoking and drink alcohol and also my sex life. im kind of adventorous. *****
im a quiet person for people who dont know the real me,but a total bitch for my closest friends. sarcatic is in my blood. im the best one to make dirty joke and make people laugh to death. teachers in college know me as one of the smartest students.  but they also know im the laziest of all and im often escape class.
my friends love me for my sense of humour and me-so called friends hate me for my arrogancy. i hate crowd and noise. i love serenity and peace. i hate amusing park. i prefer go to mall or cinema and shopping or eat or just stay somewhere cozy to hang out and talk about so many things. sometimes im a loser, sometimes i conquer everything.
i hate so many people,sometimes i hate all human race.
i always hesitate my assignments but i always seem to get the job done.
im a player but i play safe :)))))

my lovelife is creepy. it sucks sometime. i hate my boyfriend most of the time but i love him with all my soul. and  im in love with a guy i shouldnt fell in love with but it happens.
im screwed and i think i will never get my self back. i lost too far in his spell and im trapped in this kind of "friends with benefits" situation.
my mind is always blowing
im crashing pretty hard
im totally lost now
and im in searching to get back my self. and to end this insanity is not easy.
i need to hurt myself in a first place.

my name is anja. and i'll never be fixed